Lost In Thought vs Deep in Thought
Shaking the yoke of my mind, and master
Read time: 8 minutes
"The mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master." - Robin Sharma
This summer I picked up meditating. I’ve had many friends tell me how much it has helped them be more present and responsive in their lives so I figured I would give it a shot. I’m not trying to achieve enlightenment or move east to become a yogi or anything like that but what I’ve recently realized is that I have quite the chatty inner voice and I would very much like him to shut the hell up.
I started using an app called “Waking Up” by Sam Harris (a somewhat famous neurobiologist/ philosopher well known in academic circles for, amongst other things, being anti-religion and an exceptionally deep thinker). The app’s introductory course presents a combination of guided meditations paired with short (<15 minutes) audio segments that cover the theory behind the practice. I’m still in the early stages of building the habit but some of the theory clips have made me reconsider parts of my psyche I once considered normal and inspired some changes I’m still working to implement.
The main question that has kicked off these deliberations has been “What is the difference between being lost in thought and deep in thought?”
The Bad Roommate (i.e. My Chatty Inner Voice)
It was only after starting this meditation practice did I realize how unbelievably annoying my mind is the majority of the time. The analogy frequently used to describe this situation is that having a chatty mind is akin to having an unemployed roommate who follows you around from room to room talking nonstop with no way to kick him out. That is how I’ve spent most of my life: with a motor-mouth roommate who just will not shut up. For most of my years, it was background noise. I was so lost in the monologue that I didn’t realize it was happening. What I understand now is that much of my “thinking” is actually getting in the way of doing the things I want to do with the presence that they require.
For example, when I get up in the morning and go to brush my teeth I immediately enter into some train of thought without my consent. I’ll either begin thinking about a conversation that happened in the past, start planning my day, or throw myself into some future scenario and speculate about how it might play out. When I’m in a particularly bad spot I’ll get myself into fake arguments with people in my life and then feel myself get upset at said fake argument. If that sounds like insane behavior to you then you and I are on the same page. What stupid mechanism starts thinking about something that isn’t real and then gets upset over their own imagination? The human brain, that’s what stupid mechanism.
These rote mental pathways my mind follows on a routine basis are counterproductive not only for my mental health but also for my ability to focus on whatever task is at hand. I’m now actively working on quieting that chatty part of my mind (however you define “my mind”) and focusing on living in the here and now. Like many cliches, “Live in the present” can be discounted at the outset because it doesn’t seem to convey a useful truth but when unpacked yields eye-opening insights. “Live in the present” means that once your brain gets going on something that isn’t right in front of you, you have to make the choice to return to what is actually happening. In whichever way you go about it. Meditating has given me some protocols on how to best get out of my head but there are plenty of practices that aid in this effort and I highly recommend taking the time to find one that works for you.
Although I’m far from perfect I have improved my ability to recognize when my brain is spinning its wheels and when it’s being usefully employed. With this knowledge I have settled on a useful distinction that neatly frames each type of thinking so I can tell when I’m off in another world and when I’m putting the ox in its plow.
Lost in Thought (Walking Hallucinations)
Now that I am aware of my tendency to “think” throughout all hours of the day I’ve woken up to what it is that my mind is doing when I’m (mentally) far away from my present circumstances. When I go for a walk down by the beach and I’m particularly distant I start to realize that I can cover up to a mile without noticing a single element of my surroundings. As I’m walking my eyes are technically functioning but I don’t actually see anything. It’s bizarre. I manage to avoid traffic, dog walkers, people running, and the stray homeless person but if you asked me what I noticed during that walk I wouldn’t be able to tell you anything. That’s because I’m off in another world daydreaming. Which is a cute way to say that I’m disassociating from reality while the sun is out.
Walks are good times to solve problems and work through issues but what I’m talking about is not a productive use of brainpower. What I’m talking about is that same line of “thinking” that I have when I’m scrubbing my molars. It’s this projection of myself into future situations, reviews of past situations, or anxiety about something currently happening in another geography that occupy some of these beachside strolls. None of it is productive and all of it serves to add to whatever cognitive load I carry around with me on a daily basis.
What I would prefer to do while on my walks is to spend that time either in the present enjoying my time outside or in concerted focus working through the items on my to-do list. Or working through a post for this blog that I plan on sharing with you lovely people.
I would like to shift that ratio of time spent in “thought” towards utilizing my mind as the tool that it is as opposed to letting it dictate where my attention goes as it has for the past 28 years.
Deep in Thought (Active Reasoning)
What I am striving more for is periods, however long, of active, deep thought. I see now how hard it is for me to focus on a difficult task or complex idea long enough to move past the initial frustration into actual understanding. Where I see this in action the most is at work when I’m trying to understand some technical document about how Klarna’s product works. What tends to happen when I don’t get it immediately is that I’ll reflexively flip over to Twitter to snag some content I can digest in less than a minute. Now, I’m not saying that I can’t focus. I read Infinite Jest this year and that was easily the densest, richest book I’ve ever read in my life. There were countless times throughout that book when I had to go back and reread a sentence four or five times to make sure I understood who the subject was and what was happening. What I’m saying is I know I have it in me, but doing it when I don’t feel like doing it is a struggle. One I’m sure many of you are familiar with.
The time spent in deep thought is categorically different than time spent lost in thought because time spent deep in thought requires you to summon some level of attention and focus and to remain on the task at hand beyond when it is comfortable. This is effortful, and near impossible to slip into accidentally. This type of concentration is where most of our biggest breakthroughs come from. When you sit down with a problem for a while and try to think through it from all different angles. That kind of focus is what I have been trying to train myself to appreciate and spend more time engaged in.
It hasn’t been easy. In fact, it has been especially difficult because every single thing in our lives is designed to monopolize our attention and take us out of whatever we are working on. But my efforts haven’t been fully in vain and I have started seeing some interesting results as a result of my attempt to train myself to focus better. I have found that with effort I am more present in conversations, which has led to a deeper appreciation for the people I’m speaking with. It has also led to make more connections between various ideas and concepts that I encounter in my personal and professional life. Mostly, it has made me feel that more of my life is happening on purpose and not running on some kind of auto-pilot program.
I’ll continue to meditate and will be sure to follow up with all of you if I do in fact achieve enlightenment. I’m betting against me though. But the improvements that I have made in my focus and attention over the last few months have been more than enough to keep me on the train for as long as I can hang on.